Dear Diary,Today I was in a bit of a somber mood once again after a day of long work I found my self pondering on whether to go out which would probably be an unfulfilled night. I found myself feeling sorry for myself that I'm home alone and in a sense lonely. So what do you do at that point, drink? smoke? no you turn to the main man JC... Yes that's right you break out some mood music and in this case it was the Outlaw Johnny Cash!
As I listened to the appropriately titled "Hurt" the lyrics stuck out like a 3D Movie "Everyone I know, goes away in the end".. Although I have listened to this particular song so much times at this point what resonated was the correlation between what Cash sung about and my life. It got me thinking of past relationships I've had and when I say relationships that also includes platonic. Friendships that seemed to fade away into mediocrity then finally nothing. The commonality being people I cared a lot for in the past aren't here now.
Maybe its part of life. I think back to growing up people always drifted away but the impact was lesser. The connections weren't as strong and everyone was finding there feet. But now nowadays there's no many harsh realities and factors to take people off course. I've had homies turn out to be phony and stab me in the back, family members through envy turn there backs on me, friends die, broads lie and use me until they could get what they want and then vamoose! It seems there is a habit of people taking my kindness for weakness and its people I've had nothing but love for. People I've done so much more and would like to think I made a positive impact on there lives all went away.
I'm not sure if that's the standpoint Johnny Cash was coming from when he sung "Hurt" or Trent Reznor when he wrote it. But it definitely seems that the people you truly know all go away in the end. It has me looking around at the people I have deep love for that are around me now and it's very minimal. I think what will I become if they go? Is it something I cause? do I black out and live a Tyler-Durden-Esque double life treating people like a douche and not recall it? I think not!
Verily it does make me wonder where I'm bound especially in times of solace like this. I've always treasured the moments spent with friends and appreciate everyone I know and have encountered on this journey thus far. Good or bad it has helped shaped what I am, and what I'm destined to be! With that said the world keeps turning the pages thicken and another date to the diary is added.
- Fonz
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